No question that you have heard the term “Fleshlight” before.
Wait. What’s a Fleshlight? Do you live under a fucking rock? How about Fleshlite? Flashlight sex toy, flashlight vagina, flesh light, flashlight pussy…
They’re all the same thing. It’s a male masturbation sleeve that mimics a vagina (or another orifice).
It is everywhere. I mean, there are porn categories dedicated strictly to this toy for fuck’s sake. There’s a metric shit-ton of hype over the Fleshlight and it leaves one question hanging in the air:
“is the Fleshlight worth it, or should I just stick with trusty old righty (or lefty)?”
Weeellllll, you might not have asked yourself this question, but I certainly have. This is the exact burning question that sent me spiraling down into a rabbit hole of indecision. God dammit I was just looking to cum.
Flesh light Review: What’s the Best Fleshlight?
That is a really fucking complicated question.
There is an extraordinarily large array of options available to you and this isn’t exactly something you can take for a test drive before you buy. And it’s definitely not a topic that gets brought up with the boys over a game of poker:
“… I see your $20 and raise another $20. By the way guys, have you ever rubbed one out with a Fleshlight?”
Yeah, that’s not happening. I read a few Flesh light reviews and I wasn’t overly satisfied with the information I got. So I took the chance and dove right in. And now here I am, helping you (hopefully) take all the guesswork and doubts out of purchasing something that is going to pleasure you.
Wow. I never realized trying to figure out what to stick my dick in would be such a hard decision. I certainly never had this type of existential crisis trying to decide which woman to sleep with. Just pick the one that says “yes.”…. Oh well, it’s time to make a life-altering decision.
Where to Buy Fleshlights
You can choose from a couple of different sources for where to buy your Fleshlight from. Believe it or not, I found this to be a big factor in which toy I ended up buying. Not because of price though. It was because of the organization of the website, as well as selection.
If you need quick shipping and want to pinch a couple pennies, go to Amazon. Also use them if you want to see “Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit Male Masturbator, Pink Lady” in your Amazon purchase history. I found them very difficult to navigate through to see the different products that Fleshlight had to offer. Also, there is a possibility you end up with a fake. For whatever reason, fake sex toys run rampant at Amazon.
Are you looking for a one stop shop for your sex needs? Adam and Eve is the place to go. They often have fairly large discounts if you can find a discount code, all you have to do is google it (or email me: firstname.lastname@example.org). Unfortunately, I just was not happy with the selection of Fleshlights they had available. Plus, I wanted to build my own. Now, where would I go to do that, I wonder?….
Annndddd we have a winner. Yes you will pay a bit more here, but it is absolutely worth it. You are able to choose from any Fleshlight ever, starting from the beginning of time. They even have anal and female toys. I had no clue they offered these until I went to their website. I WILL be coming back here for some anal fun! But that’s for another time.
Seriously Though, Which Flesh Light Should I Get?
Okay, okay. I know I still haven’t answered the question that’s burning a hole in the back of your head. We have, however, laid down some groundwork for how to start answering it. I ended up using Fleshlight.com. Obviously, you are free to spend your sex-toy money wherever you like but all my orgasms from this wonderful toy were brought to you by the official Fleshlight website.
As I have mentioned earlier, there is an entire alternate universe of choices when it comes to picking out your replacement for your right hand (or left, I’m not trying to be hand-ist here.)
If you break down the toy to it’s basics, it makes the decision 3,292,983 times easier to make.
The toy itself is made up of two separate components – the case and the sleeve.
The case is, you guessed it, a case. This is the easy part though since the case pretty much only dictates the overall size and appearance of the toy. The sleeve is where the cosmic black hole of decisions go to become a singularity in the time-space continuum.
Fleshlight Case Options
Moving on. Once you land on the Fleshlight webpage, there are two categories we are going to be focusing on – Fleshlight toys and Fleshlight girls. There are a total of FOURTEEN sub categories to look into within these two categories. Plus, these sub categories have sub sub categories.
One more sub category and I’d want to throw my computer out the window of a 50 story building and make sure it landed on a WWII era landmine then melt down the pieces to use as bio fuel.
But in all seriousness, there are really only three different case designs used.
The Fleshlight Classic
I am going to place a couple of different Fleshlights (the Stamina Training Unit, Freaks, Ice, Vibro, Dorcel Girls, and Fleshlight Girls) into this category as they all basically have the same case. But this is The Original. THE Fleshlight that changed the way men came all over the world.
It was designed to be a one size fits all. It is 10″ long.
I am no mathematician, but that seems a little big compared to the average penis length of 5.1 inches. One size fits all? Almost. It just seems like the extra 4 inches or so is catering to a smaller percentage of the populace. Fleshlight must feel the same way because they have released these other two options.
The Fleshlight Go and The Fleshlight Flight
The Go is an exact replica of the classic, only smaller. At 8.5 inches in total length, it caters more so to us non porn-stars.
The Fleshlight Flight is the same size as the Go, but it’s more ergonomic. The Flight looks less like a flashlight that you masturbate with and more like a piece of space aged technology ready to blast off into space.
Just kidding, but if you wait long enough between your jacking off sessions, you probably WILL make it blast off into space. The Go and the Flight have limited customization options since there isn’t a wide range of sleeves available as of yet (I’ll be getting into those next).
Oh yeah, there’s also the Fleshlight Quickshot in which I later found was a nice change from the original Fleshlight. I am not going to be talking about that today as it deviates slightly from all other versions of the Fleshlight.
Flesh light Sleeve Options
The case is nothing without its contents. The sleeve is the insert that goes into the case. THIS is where you get to decide on the actual part of the toy that’s going to devour your cock. Alright, finally this is starting to sound fun.
There are two parts making up the sleeve; Fleshlight has dubbed them the orifice and the texture.
The orifice is the external section where your cock will enter its chamber of ecstasy. You can have it molded after a mouth, ass, butt cheeks, or a vagina. And if you get one of the Fleshlight Girls, it is physically molded from the porn star’s actual vagina or ass.
The texture is the part that you will feel wrapping itself around your cock.
Do you want a tight, virgin vagina? No problem. There’s a sleeve like that. Want to pretend you are fucking Asa Akira? Ding Ding! Go for it. Hell, if you want Predator sucking you off, you can have that too. They say you can’t have your cake and eat it too, but it’s started to feel like Fleshlight is letting you do both.
There are SO MANY sleeves to choose from, I gave up counting. Build your own Fleshlight has 48 sleeves. Each of the Fleshlight Girls have their own signature sleeves. Then there’s all the sleeves in the collectors corners… I feel like an adult kid in an adult candy shop. Oh right! I AM!
These are the available textures for build your own Fleshlight.
The Winner is the Fleshlight Wonderwave
I was really torn in this decision. Being extremely average when it comes down to the size of my woman pleaser, I was initially leaning towards the Flight. It’s sleek, compact, and I really felt like the extra couple of inches were a waste. The Flight limits you to only two sleeves, however. And since I thoroughly enjoy the idea of being able to swap out just the sleeve with a different one for my future erotic endeavors, the Flight is out for this purchase.
So, I ended up building my own. Black case, pussy orifice, and wonder wave sleeve.
Why this combination, you ask? Well Watson, it’s quite simple. I like pussies. Also, Fleshlight states the wonder wave is their best selling texture. Men are always right, so I listened to what they have to say about pleasing themselves. I really wasn’t sure if the wonder wave was going to be the best fleshlight texture for me, but since I had zero basis for comparison, I figured I’d give it a shot.
I also went ahead and added their lube and cleaning package to my cart.
Dry humping my brand new Fleshlight did not sound like an enjoyable idea.
Now it was just a matter of playing the waiting game. And this entire process seriously got me revved up. I was PUMPED to have this thing arrive on my doorstep. It felt like I was on a date. Dinner had JUST started. And she was already dropping the hints that we were going back to her place at the end of the night. Patience is a virtue, right?..
Ding Dong, It’s Here!
Well, not quite.
I mean, it arrived. But I wasn’t around when my doorbell went ding dong.
There was a notice left on my door informing me I had to go pick up my package from UPS because I missed the drop off. Alright, no problem. I get back in my car and start driving. I’m three quarters of the way there when my heart drops.
Fuck. Shit. Fucking shit.
I’m going to be face to face with a real person handing me my Fleshlight. Everyone behind the counter is going to know that I’m about to book it home so I can wank it and they’re going to point and laugh at me and my picture will be on the front page of the internet holding my Fleshlight…
I already made it this far.
Fuck it. I park my vehicle, take a deep breath, and go in.
Good news guys! I’m an idiot, and Fleshlight is awesome. There could not be a more generic shipping strategy out there. Plain brown box, shipper identified as “ILF, LLC”. Also, they state this on their website. I have no idea how I missed reading that, it seems kind of important. The purchase on my credit card also shows up as “Interactive Life Forms,” so all those hackers in Korea reading my credit card statements won’t ever know I’m buying sex toys.
It’s here. Finally. In my hands. Just waiting to get fucked.
Light The Candles, It’s Going To Be A Romantic Evening
I ended up hauling ass to get home.
How I avoided grabbing the attention of the local police force is beyond me. I get inside, rip open the box, and hoist it out of its packaging. The very first thing I noticed is the weight. Not a have-a-great-day-in-the-arctic-clubbing-seals kind of heavy, but that weight that just screams quality.
And you know that cheap, Chinese, “don’t tell your government where you got this from” manufactured plastic? None of that is present here. All I have to do is hold this is my hand and I know Fleshlight has created a premium product.
I guess when you spend $69.95 on a ‘batin toy, it BETTER be high quality.
I have yet to put my cock in it though, and he’ll be the final say in that.
The case has two end caps. One covering the orifice, and one covering the other end. The orifice cap is obviously there to hide the fleshy part and to protect it when not in use. I’m not too sure what the other cap is for, but I am assuming to ease the cleaning and drying process once you are done.
The first thing you will notice when you take the orifice cap off, is the Fleshlight comes shipped with a plastic rod inserted it in. I think its to ensure the insides don’t end up sticking together during the time between manufacturing and storing. This is the part where you should probably take it out, unless that’s your thing of course. Hey, I’m not here to judge.
Fleshlight has invested a ton into their SuperSkin sleeves and it really looks like it was time and money well spent. I’m already started to get a half chub going on here and my fingers are the only body part that has had contact with it. Okay, where’s my lube? I’m going in.
… 3 Minutes Later
I’m back. And I’m a liar. It was longer than 3 minutes.
No, no, no, I’m not bragging. I’m not a rockstar. Far from it.
I just didn’t WANT it to end after 3 minutes and did what I could to prolong it. I might not be speaking for the masses, but usually when I fire off a couple knuckle children, it’s a “git ‘er dun!” kind of an thing. But the entire journey was just as pleasurable as the destination. No question I could have topped my best time scoreboard; my highscore has been sitting up there for way too long, so maybe next time.
OH! I was able to figure out what that other end cap does. One word – suction. Sticking your dick in the Fleshlight creates a vacuum. So as you pull out, it feels like the Fleshlight is sucking your cock. Seriously. You can manually adjust it by loosening the end cap.
If you really want, you can completely remove it and have no resistance at all. I’m a cap-mostly-on kind of a guy I found out. But hey, different strokes for different folks, right?
The Wonder Wave sleeve. I HAVE to talk about this. Remember when I said, “Men are always right, so I listened to what they have to say about pleasing themselves”? Well, I was bang on. Men ARE always right. This sleeve was right up my alley.
What does the Fleshlight feel like? Well, this fake vagina is a better imposter than I could have ever imagined. The initial insertion is spot on. The (seemingly) random constrictions made it feel like I was pleasing the toy itself. And then on the stroke out, it keeps sucking you back in, telling you to come back, wanting more.
How was that Fleshlight Lube?
Remember how I added the lube to my shopping cart? Yeah, good thing I did. Unless you like friction burns, lube is your best friend.
I get it. Sometimes you click on that NSFW link and BAM!
You get hard quicker than a brown fox can jump over a lazy sleeping dog.
Just do yourself a favor and spend the extra couple of seconds getting lubed up. I ended up keeping my junk fairly well lubed up. It seems to tug and pull a little uncomfortably when it wasn’t properly lubricated. But that’s just me and everyone is going to like something a little bit different.
ONLY USE WATER BASED LUBRICANTS.
I cannot stress this enough. If you don’t, expect your third hand to get turned into a melted mess and you’ll have to buy yourself a new one. Let’s face it, at this point you’ll realize how good this thing is and you WILL want to replace it. Mind you, that might be a great reason to try out a new sleeve texture.
The quality of Fleshlight’s house brand lube is actually very good as well. They have three labelled lubes – Fleshlube Water, Fleshlube Ice, and Fleshlube Fire. I only ordered the original Fleshlube Water so I don’t have any experience with the other two. But, experiencing the quality of it, I am going to be going back to their store to take them for a test run. And they aren’t super expensive either so that’s always a bonus.
So. Roll over and go to sleep now? Nope.
How to Clean a Fleshlight
Now you’re done. You don’t have to worry about cuddling (you can if you want to, I guess). You can just roll over and go to sleep, right? Wrong. It’s clean up time. This is always a shitty part with or without a toy, but it’s a must do. So let’s go ahead and just get this over and done with.
I found it is easiest to start by unscrewing both caps and taking the sleeve out. Rinse off the casing and caps, and put those aside to start air drying. The sleeve needs a little more TLC than the case though.
DO NOT USE SOAP OR ANY HOUSEHOLD CLEANING PRODUCTS.
They will break down and destroy the Fleshlight’s SuperSkin sleeve, which is the source of power for the Fleshlight’s magical ability to make you cum. Fleshlight has their official disinfecting spray dubbed FleshWash that I opted to order along with my purchase.
Rinse the sleeve thoroughly with warm water, ensure all your leftovers are on their way down the drain, and spray the sleeve with the Fleshwash. You need to make sure the spray gets all the way through the sleeve. If you feel you didn’t clean the inside well enough, you can turn the sleeve inside out for a more thorough rinsing. This will stretch it out more than it should be stretched though, so make sure you turn it back once you are done rinsing it. Okay, that wasn’t SO bad.
Wait a Few Hours Before You Call Her
It has to dry. I wish there was a way to avoid having to wait, but there’s not. You can use a hair dryer (on cold) to speed up the process so you can put it away right away. Or you can leave it out to air dry by itself for several hours. Yes, I said SEVERAL hours. It’s not a quick process. You don’t want mold growing in there and the Fleshlight makes the perfect environment for that to happen in if you do not allow it to dry properly.
After a couple uses, make sure you add the renewing powder to the sleeve. I got official Fleshlight stuff when I placed my order. You can also use 100% talcum powder instead. This simple task will make sure your Fleshlight stays as supple and fresh as the day you bought it.
Once it’s all dry, put it all together and hide it in your sock drawer.
Are Fleshlights Worth it?
I would not say the Fleshlight is the be-all end-all. It takes time. Time to lube up. Time to clean up. If you’re just after a quickie, it’s not great. Don’t get me wrong, it definitely feels good enough to get you off in record time, but all the prep and clean up just isn’t worth it sometimes.
And it’s not quite a pussy replacement. I still prefer real, warm, wet lady parts all day long. There really won’t ever be a direct replacement for having a woman ride you. It also does a horrible job of disguising itself as a flashlight. It’s almost like it’s a transformer stuck in the 80s. The only person it could ever fool into thinking it’s actually a flashlight is your grandmother. And that’s only because she can’t find her glasses.
That’s the very short list of bad-but-not-actually-bad-things about the Fleshlight.
On to the good.
The Fleshlight gives you an experience that only a Fleshlight can give you. Yes, you are masturbating. Yes, you are the one beating your meat. But somehow, there is a separation between you and your pleasure stick. Almost like you aren’t the one stroking it… almost like you’re not alone.
Then there’s the way it feels when it’s wrapped around your cock. Way better than your hard calloused hands. It feels like it is something that is designed for no other reason than giving you pleasure. It feels like the only purpose it serves is to gobble your cock up and keep asking for more. You grab this toy and suddenly it’s not only about making your cum, it’s about the experience getting there. You don’t want it to stop but at the exact same time you want and need more.
I spent $69.95 for a toy to help me masturbate. Are Fleshlights worth it? Abso-fucking-lutely. Every. Single. Penny.